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Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Who Am I ?

I am.
Attached to gadgets, cars and my daily routine.
Controlled by my laptop, and abused by my cell phone.
Married to my schedule, divorced by my spontaneity (she has custody)
Marred by a permanent flu in the winter, for which there is no remedy.
Plagued by the summer heat.
Always high on cold medicine and caffeine.
Checking the latest stock prices in the magazine.
Always attending weddings, and funerals
To comfort strangers
On both occasions.
While contacting my close friends online.
Neither sad nor doing fine.
But kind of in-between.
I am.
Approached by strangers for change
Blaming society for their misfortune.
Working out at the gym for no apparent reason
Running on treadmills like a lab rat inside a cage.
Drugged by movies, the daily news and similar works of fiction
Always replacing an addiction with another addiction.
Like taking up Salsa or going on a shopping spree.
But you are different, you are very special.
Yes, you are.
Just like me

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Back to Blogging

I've decided I will start blogging again.
That is all...

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Monday, March 31, 2008

Contemplations of a Sick Mind Inside a Movie Theater

I like going to the movies. Not because I'm huge movie connoisseur (which I am anyways, and yes I just wanted to use that word in a sentence) but because during a time period that starts with engaging in an extremely boring conversation with a mentally demented person that you might run into during a social event, and eliminating the possibility of chemically enhancing your mood, you make that decision. It also minimizes the conversation with your friends who might join you; which can be a plus sometimes.

However, I've discovered that the movie theatre is not what it used to be. It's become more of a social gathering place where self-proclaimed movie critics gather to discuss and bewildered by the minutest details of the movie; no matter how stupid they are. And the worst thing is: even if you're seated on the other side of the theatre, you can still hear their whispers and laughs. These are your new compulsory (and hopefully temporary) friends. What will make matters worse is when one of the geniuses (who's seen the movie before a hundred times) tries to score points with a lady friend of his by explaining some plot twist that is yet to occur; like he possesses some superbly analytical skills. Or could it be that he can foresee the future? As a matter of fact, his brain is definitely no larger than that peace of popcorn that he's about to shove down his throat (and regrettably doesn't choke on)

You probably haven't realized this. But the movie experience also expands your musical knowledge and I'm not talking about the movie soundtrack (which you won't be able to listen to anyways due to the aforementioned). I've realized that you can stay up-to-date with the latest (and possibly crappiest) pop songs, as they belch themselves out of the movie critics’ cell phones, and straight into your tired ears. Could it be that I am surrounded by people of the highest calibre that have to be on call 24-hours a day: surgeons, cabinet-members and possibly famous world leaders? That would definitely explain the desire to leave their cell phones on (at a maxed up volume, mind you). I quickly dismiss that thought.

The brain reacts with mixed feelings of anger, revenge and despair as you picture yourself shoving that very same cell phone down the throat (or any other body cavity of your choice) of our old future-predicting genius. Or, on a lighter note, you simply with that very same genius to continue over-indulging himself on popcorn until his already humongous lower-back get even bigger and bigger and bigger until he can’t get out of his chair. Firemen and policemen, and hopefully surgeons would eventually rush into the place in order rectify the situation. He ends up experiencing excruciating pain during the process, or simply having to walking around for the rest of his life with a chair stuck to his ass. I’d prefer the latter since I’m not such an evil-minded person.

Now, what was the movie about again?

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Open Letter to Airport Security Officials

I was planning to travel to the U.S. very soon but I've been thinking a lot lately and in light of the recent events I have decided to write you an open letter about my concerns regarding this matter:
i) Even though I may look like a terrorist; I'm not one. I'm sorry but my appearance is not something that I can control.
ii) Yes, my name is hard to pronounce and my last name contains more than 8 letters which makes it hard to make your searches. I assure you, however, that most people arround here have similar names. I would gladly change my name to "John Smith" just to smooth things up. But, alas, in my country changing one's name requires a complicated set of legal formalities which I currently don't have the time to pursue.
iii) I would gladly empty my pockets but please don't look inside my body cavitities. You have to understand that the second thing I fear the most is getting blown up as my fear of a body cavity search is second to none.
iv) I promise not to go to the bathroom during the flight and I hereby absolve you of any legal responsibilities. My own bladder getting 'blown up' is my own business and nobody else's.
v) I promise to drink my ass off during the flight, as long as you offer me free beer. In an intoxicated state I would most likely go to sleep which would render me harmless (this is just in case you still have doubts about me).


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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The News

Reading the news these days has become extremely depressing. I don’t know about you but I don’t see any good news coming out of anywhere in this world. You wake up, read the news, and you see a couple of bombings here, and a few deaths there. Well, you brush your teeth and go about your morning routine.
A bombing here, a couple of kidnappings there. Africa. This is definitely bad news.
Oh, they signed a treaty. Now the news look a little bit better.
You take a shower.
Tsunami hits.
You put on some clothes.
You swear a suit and a tie. You look sharp.
Just in time for an earthquake. Dress code: formal.
I’ll make some breakfast. Scrambled eggs.
Maybe a couple of killings here and there and add some minor explosions. Some shit blows up in Afghanistan. What do you expect?
You drive to work or take the bus. Someone is reading the paper: looks like they found somebody. They don’t remember what he did but he’s been located anyways.
At work things seem a little bit peaceful. Please keep it up. By the end of the day more bad things happen and it’s all because of you.
It seems like the more you’re awake, the more shit happens in the world. Maybe I’ll go take a nap to avoid wreaking more havoc.
I wake up.
Now you’re in trouble: a war started while you were sleeping. It appears the guys who signed the treaty were not so serious about it after all.
Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to bed.

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Friday, May 05, 2006

News from the Future (part I)

News from the Future

I’ve been reading the middle-east section on the BBC website sometime in the future.

Here’s one of them:

Egyptian President Proposes Extension of Emergency Laws

The current Egyptian president, Ahmed Mohamed Sherif Gamal Mubarak has proposed a 2 year extension of the current emergency laws which have been in place since 1981. The proposition comes a year after the current president has won the elections, again, at a sweeping 99.9%. Independent human rights organizations have made claims that the remaining 0.01% is currently detained for interrogation under no legal justification whatsoever. However, the government currently claims that the 0.01% has been committed to a mental institution under their own will.

Here’s some news that DO NOT exist in the future:

Arab, Israeli and Iranian Leaders Meet at the Annual Middle-Eastern Union Summit

The leaders discuss plans forwards for the current Middle-Eastern Union and discuss last year's financial results. The meetings come at a crucial time; a year after the new unified monetary unit (ME Pound) has been in place. Reports show that the current MEU leader, an Israeli, has helped boom the organization’s total exports as opposed to last year. The leaders will possibly discuss the addition of new countries such as Afghanistan, given its recent economic growth figures, to the union.

Female Discovers Cure for Cancer

Jameela, 28 year old women who lives in Jeddah, has discovered a new medicine that could possibly cure lung cancer. The result comes after years and years of research which has been funded by the Middle-east research institute, an organization under the umbrella of Middle-East Union. Mr Ahmed, the current president of the Middle-Eastern Union has announced his full pledged support. The medicine will first be tested at laboratory in the Iraqi city of Basra where such tests usually take place.

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

Why I Moved Back to Egypt (part I)

I keep getting this question a lot. This is why I compiled the following list. I'll keep adding to it as time goes by. These are the reasons I could come up with today:

NUTRITIONAL REASON: After a night out, you can always find food after 5:00 am
MEDITATIVE REASON: 24 hour rush hour means you'll get stuck in traffic with constant honking and plenty of time to think.
LIBERTARIAN REASON: Absent or minimal traffic rules: if there is no physical barrier blocking your way, then the road is all yours.
PRACTICAL REASON: You always 'know someone' who knows someone who can get things done regarding some government paperwork.
AROMA-THERAPEUTIC REASON: Everyone wears cologne and sometimes stink at the same time
HEALTH REASON: You can smoke virtually anywhere: at the mall, inside buildings, inside offices, inside an elevator (yes I saw it happen), inside a car, inside an airport, you name it…
ENTERTAINMENT REASON: There is always something happening: be it explosions, weddings, funerals, birthdays, anniversaries, demonstrations, police beatings, more demonstrations, elections, election-related violence, car accidents, train accidents,... the list goes on.

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Saturday, October 08, 2005

No Turkish Coffee

After spending a fortnight back in this country, I decided to gather my intellectual power, plug in my laptop and start writing. The last days have been quite full; between meeting family members and old friends and getting stuck in the busy Cairo traffic, I’ve had a little time to write.

But I finally made some time…

I’m not going to bore with the minute details about my trip or how the plane meals suck and such clichés but I will get right to the point: my reaction, what’s it like, the changes I noticed, things I hate and things I love.

I am currently in Alexandria, the second largest city in Egypt and my hometown. I’m inside a coffee shop that serves only espressos and espresso-based coffees. The waiter looked at me in a weird way when I ordered Turkish coffee! “We only have espressos, American coffee, and filtered coffee” (I didn’t ask about the difference between the last 2 items). I’m utilizing the free wireless internet since I don’t have a DSL at home yet. There’s only 5 other people inside the place since it’s noon and we’re in Ramadan; people are supposedly fasting (it’s also very hard or nearly impossible to get a beer these days)

The last few days have been quite entertaining and shocking: the noise, the traffic, the roads, people talking in a loud voice, family members, it’s all happening too fast and this is the first chance I’ve had to sit down and write. Around here coffee shops are for people to socialize: you will not find anyone sitting by themselves reading a book or typing on their laptops; you will only find loud obnoxious teenagers, families and ageing retirees discussing politics.

I just came back from Cairo: louder, noisier but also more fun. Traffic in Cairo has got to be the worst in the whole world. There are no rules and most big intersections are being organized by a traffic warden in uniform. If there is no policeman then the urban jungle traffic law of the Cairo streets applies: push your way through and hope the incoming drivers will chicken-out and slow down. If you slow down, people behind you will put on their high beams, honk and curse (and this is not the chronological order of occurrence). It took me a while to restore the beast-driver in me that has been curbed due to long years of ultra-courteous Seattle driving. Arise from the dead, I order thee!

I’ve finished my espresso and the waiter is bothering me again: “would you like something else like a peace of cake?” I’m not surprised. It is very common here for waiters to come bother you and persuade you to order something. You can’t just sit peacefully inside a coffee shop without constantly ordering something. I think I will pack my laptop and go back home. I intend to write more once I have a DSL connection at home or when I get a chance.

Peace !